a m e l i a

I am reading study guides for the patanjali yoga sutras in a simple new england bedroom in williamstown, mass. there is a schism in how I would like to lead my life, and what spaces and faces I am intimate with and thus what is drawn out of me, that founds feelings of regret and frustration. I coated my self in olive oil this morning. I walked in the pouring rain and took a long nap. I am glad for my family and only wish for a transformation of family to take me to places in life more consistent with self-transformation and collective nurture, collective accountability, sooner rather than later.

in one day I will be in new york city staying with a dear friend on the barnard campus. I will have a couple days to be present there before returning home and preparing quickly for a monthlong yoga teacher training intensive. I will be living on top of a mountain in the forest that I love. this is a dream come true, if I may feel into it. if I may. feel into. feel in two. like cut-in-half. coming back.

love,amelia

god growing into a woman’s body continues to kill me with fright

nearly attacked last night

two streaming dark men with mouths full of firelight

parallel visions of envy, makes me want to run away, I cannot control

my hands are my mother’s

I am growing bold, mouthy, just god forbid cold